"You are a very lonely lizard."

My current favorite thing. Well, one of.

Ahem. Rango.

If lizards have psychological delusions and insatiable needs to gather praise and acclaim from all those around them (and are willing to lie extensively to obtain it), than this is their saga. And evidently, no one is better at expressing a chameleon's inner insecurities than the respected aging heartthrob, Johnny Depp.

Set up as a satire on the Western cowboy epic, the tale begins as the meek reptile is ejected from his lonesome aquarium home and plunged into unfamiliar desert territory by a roadside. After finding the small rustic town of Dirt, inhabited by other small animals, he leaves behind his life as a pet, where he had expressed himself through an "acting troupe" with  the inanimate objects in his tank: a plastic palm tree, a dead bug, the torso of a Barbie doll, and a wind-up goldfish. Seeing his new location as an opportunity for a new identity, he spins a heroic story of his great gunslinger-style accomplishments and identifies himself as "Rango."

This new identity, naturally, causes a stir in the town and kicks the plot into high gear. Rango is presented with more than he had planned to be faced with: He is made the town's sheriff, and expected to cure the severe drought the town has endured for some time. He scrambles to keep in character while at the same time developing sympathy and friendship for the members of the Dirt community (and forming a kinship with the spitfire female ranch-owning lizard, Beans (Isla Fisher)). 

This is a common theme in movies, I guess. The whole "be yourself" theme. Though I think the message has shifted over the decades, and by this point it's probably something like "be yourself, but nothing cool or interesting will happen to you." Apparently, the only way to truly connect with your inner soul is to concoct a huge clusterfuck of a lie that nearly results in a mass-killing, and then use your ability to "be yourself" to cleverly overcome any death threats and return everything to normal. You could have just been yourself from the git-go and avoided angering those aliens or rhinos or Huns with your fake d-bag persona.

But we, the American public, learn best by seeing intricate demonstrations of what NOT to do. The lizard does not fail us here.

Plus, this is a hilarious movie. Just...completely. The owl mariachi band alone is worth it.

This is a silent film actress named Adele Blood. I'm considering changing my name to that.

The Dante to my Randal

Everybody has seen Clerks. EVERYBODY has seen Clerks. And that is how it should be.

Aside from being one of the few worthy cultural ejaculations of the mid-'90s, Kevin Smith's immortal creation presents us with the Yin and Yang of leading men: Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) and Randal Graves (Jeff Anderson). Both 22 and devoid of ultimate life goals,  the men slog through their humble occupations as clerks: Dante at the now-infamous QuickStop convenience store, and Randal at the adjacent and lackluster RC Video. Best friends since childhood, the two have multiple interactions throughout the day, usually causing them to neglect their mundane duties in the service industry.

While Randal may seem like the more irresponsible of the pair (constantly leaving his post at the video store, casually insulting customers who irritate him, and using part of the work day to rent hermaphroditic porn at a higher-quality video rental store), it appears that he has a healthier outlook on life than his long-suffering best friend. Dante treats his job seriously, but does not cease to complain about it throughout the day. He sees himself at a higher level of maturity than Randal, and constantly acts burdened by the "massive" responsibilities thrust upon him. In Randal's words, Dante "overcompensates for having what is basically a monkey's job," and seemingly enjoys to present himself as an overworked and virtuously patient saint who deserves much more than he is given. However, he makes no attempt to leave his career at the QuickStop. Ironically, Randal proves that he is more morally sound than Dante, who is overcome with desire for his newly-available trampy ex girlfriend and plans on dumping his hard-working and supportive current flame. Randal verbally chastises Dante for this outlook.

In the highly entertaining but differently styled sequel, Clerks II, Randal refers to Dante as "the yin to my yang." And so he is. "Yin" represents the part of one's inner force that is pessimistic, dark, cold, and yielding. Dante is often in an irritable and self-pitying mood. "Yang" is aggressive, focused, and fast. Despite constantly slacking, Randal  does so with relentless aggression and focuses on doing (and saying) anything that will make him happiest in the moment; namely, writing condescending comments on a paraplegic's blog, leaving work to ride go-karts at a fun center, and verbally expressing his incredible hatred of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I think everyone has their Dante and Randal sides. As separate people, Randal and Dante are free to act independently upon their own callings, but it's quite different to have both their outlooks in your head. When the Randal Yang has an urge or an idea that is possibly a risk, the Dante Yin will shoot it down and pummel you with doubt. It's not easy to deal with them bickering up there, and occasionally brawling in the aisles of your brain waves like they were in the grimy Quick Stop once again. But we all have those sides, and they are rarely balanced. I guess in the end we must remember that they're still best friends, schlogging through a series of joe-jobs on their passage through life.

Unconscious

One of my favorites. Thank you Netflix for the suggestion. I will still be cancelling you next week due to the imminent jacking up of your monthly fee.

I admit, the fact that this movie is super swishy European made it all the more intriguing for me. Plus, it's beautifully shot, the costumes are beyond gorgeous, and the actors are wicked fantastic. Nicely done, Spain.

So this is 1913. The upper class intellectuals are swooning over the new smart-guy fad: the study of philosophy and the unconscious mind. Mainly, Dr. Freud's theory that every thought a person ever has is driven by sexual urges. At that era, sex was rarely spoken about, so these smug Spanish psychologists were breaking new ground.

Half of the leading duo is Alma (Leonor Watling. Amazing. Plus, she's a singer), the young pregnant wife of a psychologist, Leon, who mysteriously deserts her in a frantic state. Desperate for clues to his whereabouts and motives, she enlists her sister's husband Salvatore (Luis Tosar, wonderful actor as well) to help her investigate.

Using Leon's thesis on 'hysterical women' as a guide, they begin a Clue-esque journey and  encounter various characters representing different portions of the psyche, ultimately being led to results more weird than any of us dumbo audience members could possibly guess.

So yeah. Get on that.

Ruth Gordan: The crazy old lady from Harold and Maude & Rosemary's Baby

...At age 23 in 1919. One of my favorite pictures of any human being. Someone needs to bring the monocle back.

Dorian Gray & Informational Social Influence

Apart from often being a tally-mark on many Personal Hipster Gratification Charts (you have the corner of an Oscar Wilde novel protruding lazily from under the flap of your secondhand messenger bag. How very intriguing you are), The Picture of Dorian Gray is rife with screwed-up characters and psychodramatic fuckery.

You possibly know the story. Hit guy wishes for eternal youth, and his portrait-self begins to age instead of him. Batshittery ensues. But Dorain Gray was an ignorant man-child who would probably do terrible things to himself with a golf club if a street corner hobo said it was a good idea. He pretty much took any advice that was shat his way. And by chance, one day he met this guy:

He's wearing a top hat. No further qualifications needed.

Anyway, this guy, Lord Henry Watton (yes, played by George Sanders, whoever that was, in the 1945 movie which it totally worth seeing, I promise) is this suave slippery shit who does nothing but drink, smoke, and advocate stupid behavior to young rubes like Dorian Gray. Dorian, it must be said, is young, rich, hot, and with no living family to be mentioned. He is played by this guy:

And in the recent pretentious fangirl-fodder remake by this guy:

So he had pretty much everything except common sense and telekinesis. Then his life became a veritable glory hole of ignorance and indulgence. 

After taking Lord Henry’s advice to live as crazily as possible without caring about any consequences, Dorian dives head-first into being, generally...whoever the trashiest person in show business currently is. Maybe Lindsay Lohan. But without the lady parts and extensive police record. Two decades of parties, constant drunkening, being an asshole, and inordinate amounts of boning  somehow take zero toll on his smoldering young body which manages to remain young for 20 years while his portrait shows the glorious ravages of age and sin.  Naturally, there would be no story if negative complications did not sprout from all this stupidity. I shant reveal them, though I am notorious for impulsively blurting out the ends of movies and ruining them for others. You’re welcome. 

Anyway, psych-wise, Dorain Gray exhibits signs of informational social influence; namely, assuming others are always right and automatically following their lead. If this was not an issue, Dorian may have actually applied some personal mediation to Lord Henry’s booze-and tail-rampage advice and decided, perhaps, that it would ultimately not end well. Instead, this glorious young boob swings from bad idea to bad idea like Tarzan through a rainforest of deceit and champagne vomit, sending a relieving and gratifying message to readers: Never trust a drunk man under a top hat.

Fantastic Mr. Fox: Egocentrism, Inferiority complex, George Clooney.

Aside from being visually fascinating, this is one of the greatest movies I have ever seen.

Mr. Fox (voiced by Clooney) lives in the base of a tree with his wife (Meryl Streep) and 12 -year-old son (2.5 in human years). After years of enjoying a dangerous career of stealing birds from nearby farms, Mr. Fox promises that he will find a safer line of work for the sake of his family. However, his addiction to risk and a positive self-image persuade him to tackle one last bird heist: stealing chickens, geese, and turkeys from three malicious farmers ("Boggis, Bunce, and Bean/One fat, one short, one lean/These horrible crooks/So different in looks/Are nonetheless equally mean"). He yearns for his friends and neighbors to be constantly impressed with him, and feels tremendous self pity if he fails to keep up the image. His egocentrism- the inability to put himself in other people's shoes; namely his wife's- exposes his family to danger, although he cares for them dearly.

The adolescent fox son, Ash (Jason Schwartzman), is an eccentric loner who longs to be a great athlete, though he is far from. He is often overlooked by his father (a star athlete in his day), and as a result has low self-esteem and is constantly irritable. His inferiority complex is enhanced by the arrival of his cousin, who is the same age but possesses all the qualities that Ash lacks to impress Mr. Fox. Cousin Kristofferson (Eric Anderson) is mild mannered, polite, an excellent athlete, and has a more likable personality.Ash is infuriated that his cousin is constantly praised, while he himself remains ignored.  After Kristofferson impresses the school coach with his talent for playing "whack-bat" (a local sport similar to baseball, but with incredibly complex rules), Ash becomes more sullen and dejected.

A strong theme in the film is the fear or acceptance of being "different." Each character feels out of place in some way or another, and struggle to embrace the traits that separate them from the rest of the pack. My favorite incident, chronicled briefly in the video below, shows Kristofferson and his lab partner discussing Ash. The bullying beaver's hand motion that signifies the search for the right word is very familiar.

Mr. Fox's bird heist lands the entire animal community in hot water when he is discovered by the farmers, who spare no expense and effort in trying to find and kill him. In the midst of the crisis, his priorities finally become clear to him, and he uses this perspective to plan a successful counter-attack on Boggis, Bunce, and Bean.


The contrast between father and son was the most striking element for me. Mr. Fox wishes no ill-will to Ash, but is too caught up in his master plan to maintain his reputation to realize he is hurting his son with neglect. Ash rarely confronts his father with his true feelings, but holds resentment for Mr. Fox's self-absorbed distraction and praise of cousin Kristofferson. Ash acts eccentrically in an attempt to gain his father's attention, but to no avail. They possess different types of self-esteem issues, and express them in such ways that neither can have sympathy for the other. Eventually, the walls have to come down. They both long for the same things: acceptance and praise from others and themselves.